happy basically Tuesday everyone! writing todays been a struggle since i’m sick… AGAIN. i live in canada and lately the weather here has beens super hot and cold… literally. one day it was 20 degrees out the next day its snowing. thanks to temperamental mother nature and this inconsistent winter, colds have been worse than ever around here.
but today i want to start on something super close to my heart and something i plan on sharing a lot of information about including: how i deal, products i use, and tricks of the trade to making it seem like its better than it is. i’m talking about skin. as an honourary member of the my skins a piece of shit club i want to share as much as i can and let everyone else know they’re not alone in a daily bathroom battle against their face.
when it comes to skin i can’t win. its dry. its oily. it cracks. i have acne. its the fucking worst. theres no polite way to describe it. you think when you finally grow out of the awkwardness of being a teenager that the hormonal teeney-bopper skin goes away right?
i unfortunately didn’t experience this. to be honest, in high school i generally had okay skin. it wasn’t porcelain pretty but i could go out in public comfortably without foundation on. around nineteen all of this changed and its had a HUGE effect on my life as a whole.
late. onset. adult. acne. when i finally got to see a dermatologist this is what they called it. what to say about it really? besides the pills they pumped into me to help with the problem i was told to just wash my face and things would work out…. ummm how about no? sometimes no matter how hard you try and how many hours and products you invest into it, your skin just won’t cooperate.
living with skin problems is a huge hassle physically and mentally. its taken some huge tolls of my self-esteem.we live in a judge first ask questions later world. people do create an opinion of you based on first impressions. people tend to embrace beauty… and having terrible skin is a huge first impression.
sure no one is going to look at you and think i’m not talking to this girl her skin is disgusting. although their first thoughts may be closer to, ‘look at this poor girl’s terrible skin. thats so sad to have skin like that’. trust me, whether people mean to or not they do judge and appearances are important. the pity looks are wayyyyy worse. not to mention trying to establish yourself as a strong, working woman when you’re too busy stressing about how your face looks is no easy feat.
lets also clarify here. guys have these same issues and self-esteem concerns. this applies to guys just as much as it applies to women ESPECIALLY because at least we have makeup magic. guys actually have to brave the day and truly learn to love the skin they’re in. more power to them.
my acne is hormonal based. like most of my issues thanks to my thyroid, living with acne is something i’ve had to learn to accept. hormonal acne tends to focus heavy around your cheek and chin areas. this is why when you see someone who has had really severe acne, you tend to see pockmarks on the cheeks and even the skin near the temples.
hormonal acne is a doubled edged sword. you’re either battling the acne or you’re battling the aftermath. after many medications (this includes accutane which i plan on posting about my experience with eventually) i have managed to keep my acne to a much more reasonable level.
the downside of it is the cystic acne that is associated with hormonal acne leaves deep scarring. severity of the scars are determined by how long and bad your acne is. it can also be affected by the sensitivity of your skin and ass luck would have it i’ve also been blessed with extremely sensitive skin sooooo basically acne kicks my ass.
the thing is, all of this takes a huge emotionally toll on you that you just can’t imagine or see coming. i never expected that at twenty i would be borderline depressed because i was so ashamed of what i looked like. i hated most pictures of myself, i hated leaving the house… i couldn’t even go out in public without layers of makeup on. i was ashamed about something i literally had no control over.
there were actually times when i would cancel plans with friends because i was too busy in the bathroom staring at my face and crying because i felt absolutely hideous. i basically was the beast in that scene where he sees the old portrait of himself and puts the claw marks through it. i more or less was locking myself away in my little castle because i felt like a horrid monster. trust me i know this sounds a bit dramatic but this is how much of a toll developing acne later in life had on my self-esteem and it was a huge struggle to move on from this mindset.
over time i’ve learned that its not something to be embarrassed about. you can’t control it. lately i’ve been trying once a week to have a day that i don’t wear any makeup at all. i call it my ‘give my skin a rest’ day. i more or less want to let my pores breath. even now on those days when i go out without my makeup on i’m so proud of myself because i’m soooo self conscious of the leftover scarring i still have. my flare ups reached a point where medication was my only remedy. plus i still get pimples all the time.
now every night when i look in the mirror i have to actively remind myself not to pick at my skin. even though i can see all the blackheads in my cheeks and in my nose or on my chin. no. its worse for your skin and there are SUCH healthier ways to deal with all of the hormonal chaos happening on your face.
don’t get me wrong, some days i’ll still look in the mirror and want to cry because when my skin is flaring up and i feel so ugly. its a constant battle of the mind. i’m super lucky though. on these days where i’m feeling like garbage i’m super blessed to have a very supportive boyfriend who reminds me that just because i have some acne on my face it never takes away from my beauty, even if i can’t always see it. sometimes you need the extra support and voice of reason… that’s totally okay. find someone who when you’re starting to feel down or depressed because of your acne that can remind you of how beautiful you are regardless. if you don’t have that? i can totally be that for you.
a lot of upcoming posts are definitely going to be skin related because its such a huge passion of mine. whether its great finds for dry cracked hands i’ve stumbled upon or my absolute must haves in my bathroom for attacking pimples, i plan on sharing products i’ve found have helped me along the way. i also want to talk a lot about makeup hacks for when your acne gets super annoying and how less can actually equal more in these situations.
always feel free to comment and post about your drama skin too. i’d love to hear from you. its always nice to know that other people struggle with the same problems and that we can all be here to talk to each other when its making us feel like shit.